How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
