Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
