PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
