I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
