even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
