Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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