you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
