Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
