Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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