Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So much rum. So many feels.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
