Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
