yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
