Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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