I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
