So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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