i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
