Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
