He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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