You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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