there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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