i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
