What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
