I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
