I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Randomize
