I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
