Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
