She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
