bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
