so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
