90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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