you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
