So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
