dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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