I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
