my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
