so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
