Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
