I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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