Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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