My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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