saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
