Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
