I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
