my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
