were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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