why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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