I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
This is not my ceiling
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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