Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
