I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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