Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
