hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
