How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
