I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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