Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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